Today I read a post from young, black female that struck a cord in me. She was simply stating that while in the middle of a discussion she was having with someone they up and slammed the door in her face in the middle of her speaking. Now, I do not know all the details of the situation taking place, only what she put out, and I was forced to draw my own conclusion. I told her that it was rude of him to slam the door in her face, but us as women need to learn to be quiet. This did not sit well with her. She told me that the other person’s actions was an indication that she needed to GO OFF!!!! I was greatly disturbed. This is the usual reaction of women, especially black women. We always need to speak our minds, stand our grounds, prove our points. We feel that we have to be this strong being, not letting a man take advantage of, manipulate, or control us. But this is not the right approach. This is exactly why we get doors slammed in our faces and felt with an attitude. We should be able to calm ourselves down, think about what we are saying, and take an effective approach. This is the only way we will truly control the situation. Control isn’t who has the biggest bark because its apparent that he will just shut it out. More importantly this is a easy way to get the title bitch. Control is about who is the most effective in the situation. She told me that I would have reacted the same way, but in reality I have tried the exact opposite and was very successful. Ranting and raving is the typical, predictable response. He’s used to that and used to closing the door on it. But what about when we just shut the hell up. Then what? Most don’t know because most don’t do it. I bet he will desperately urge you to tell him what’s wrong, go within his own mind to find the answer, and give suggestions on how to correct it. This is how it should be. He’s a big boy let him put forth effort in correcting his mistakes. But no, we always have to fight because we cannot have him thinking his actions will be tolerated. But truthfully, we just feel we have to have the last word. And more than likely he didn’t here you anyways. So why not shut up? I’m not a phycologist of any sort. I am just another young, strong black woman ready to see us ladies out down our fists and stop fighting a battle that’s already loss.
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