There are many fatherless people in the world, and a lot of men who are less than fathers. Not because they are incapable of conceiving a child, rather they lack the drive, determination, courage, and emotional capacity to lead the ones they do bring into the world. Now, I know that the entire nation knows this and I'm not one to sit here and state the obvious, but rather share bits and pieces of my own experience.
The one person I care about more than any other human being is yet a victim of this exact circumstance. He doesn't know what a father is; the meaning, the feeling. He is a young boy left with a mother that is filled with sympathy, regret, and shame for her careless choice of picking someone not deserving to be filtered into his DNA or engraved in her heart.
As of now my son knows all of nothing about the father's side of the family. Never seen his father, can't recall his uncle, and talks to his granddad whenever I call him. Now I know most everyone says don't take it personal, it's not my fault that they don't care. True, true enough. I can't make anyone do anything, hell it's hard enough making myself do things, but I must take the blame. I was the one who chose this life for my son. It was my mistake that got us here. Now I do thank God that we want for nothing (financially) but have all of our needs.... his needs been met? Everyone needs a father, right? I guess in all honesty one is not needed past the moment if conception, for that's the only time many children have had any contact with their fathers. They're not needed to survive, but they are longed for from all those lacking one. As a responsible woman I was supposed to make sure I put myself and my child in the best position to make sure this desire was fulfilled, but I was foolish and failed at the task. So I have realized that some of my irritation, almost to resentment, for the other half of my child's family is an indirect feeling towards myself. And yes I have forgiven myself for such wrong doing, but forgiveness doesn't erase the consequences of those actions.
