Over the past few days I have actually come to the realization that I am very self- centered. In almost everything… no no, in everything I do I want to be recognized. I feel the need to have someone tell me, “that a girl” or “very good” or “I like it” or of course the infamous, “YOU GO GIRL!”. As I created this blog and after having all of one post I found myself telling the world to read it. Like it’s all I wanted people to do. “Hey girl… long time no hear from. Check out this blog I started.” After about telling this to a few hand full of people I thought to myself, “Wow. You are self- centered”. I wouldn’t ever be satisfied with simply discovering (accepting) this fact about me. I had to dig deeper. I’ve come to the conclusion that yes I am self- centered, but this is merely a side effect of insecurity. I have to constant hear how good I am as if I don’t believe it. But of course I believe it because everything about my is great. Right? Wrong; I just want everything about me to be great. Because the bad memories about pops, and brother dissing me, and cousins manipulating me, and son’s father disappearing causes a feeling that I’m less than. So I must make up for these unfortunate mishaps that happened to me and not by me. Even so, I must be great and if not great as least really good because something has to make up for all the bad that has occurred.
And on this night I sat in a store meeting hearing all the people get recognized for excellent work and for the last two years I have yet to hear my name called. Before tonight I would be confused and angry and swear it was a conspiracy. I work hard, harder than half of the names they call. I am efficient and effective and not to mention friendly with customers. I go out of my way to make sure the customers are happy. If I don’t know, I go find out or we may look together. Whatever the case is I make sure that I do what I can to satisfy. So you can understand the fustration. But tonight right now I accept all recognition. I recognize that that is my job and my pay check is my recognition. I recognize that the issue goes deeper than my place of employment. It lies within me, better yet, it stands tall, roaring like a lion. And I also recognize that the self centered attitude I posses must be put to death. In order to do that I must pump life into my esteem. So from this day forward I will be humble and quietly build myself up. While looking for recognition I was the one to recognize. Ironic.
And on this night I sat in a store meeting hearing all the people get recognized for excellent work and for the last two years I have yet to hear my name called. Before tonight I would be confused and angry and swear it was a conspiracy. I work hard, harder than half of the names they call. I am efficient and effective and not to mention friendly with customers. I go out of my way to make sure the customers are happy. If I don’t know, I go find out or we may look together. Whatever the case is I make sure that I do what I can to satisfy. So you can understand the fustration. But tonight right now I accept all recognition. I recognize that that is my job and my pay check is my recognition. I recognize that the issue goes deeper than my place of employment. It lies within me, better yet, it stands tall, roaring like a lion. And I also recognize that the self centered attitude I posses must be put to death. In order to do that I must pump life into my esteem. So from this day forward I will be humble and quietly build myself up. While looking for recognition I was the one to recognize. Ironic.
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