All Woman

I have recently given up on strapping another four to six inches around my ankles. I must admit, it is quite a silly sight seeing a lady swaying six feet plus in the air. I'm supposed to be at least 6'4 with the hills on but I only manage 6'2 since extending my leg completely seems impossible. Time and time again I tried, wasting money and beating down my esteem. WHY? Why can't I wear these stupid hills? It's like every other woman in the world can do so. I mean, even the 60 year- old ladies be strutting. COME ON!!!!
Then I realized this is more than an issue with hills. It's actually an issue with being a woman. It seems like everything that constitutes one as a woman I have rejected... The hills, the nails, eyelashes, "long" hair, foundation, pedicures every week... EVERYTHING!!! Dang some men are better women than me!
Then the Comforter reminded me, "Be in the world, not of the world". I am not saying a holy woman can't have or do these things, but they are trivial and cater to the flesh that we should be killing anyway. So I must guard my mind from the foolish thoughts of thinking things can make me what I was by nature meant to be. So the quest is no longer being a woman, but a Godly woman. Instead of worrying about what I put on me I begin to concentrate on what I put in me. Hills are meant to make you higher, when I need to be lowering myself into a state of humility. Foundation is meant to cover up, and I need the Lord to search me and remove what is unclean. Instead of putting on eyelashes, I need to be removing the plank from my eye. While some are concerned about getting their feet done, I need to make sure my are traveling on that straight and narrow road. Lastly, the only nails I need to be focused on are the ones that held my Savior to the cross for my sins.
At the end of the day, I am 100% woman who is trying to be a child of God.

Changing Nothing

My heart is heavy

Deeply burdened

With nothing

This is what I see the children aspiring to be

What mothers send them to school with

And what sits waiting to greet them when they get home

This is what the fathers work so hard to achieve

So they can pass it down to their offspring

This is the focal point of many conversations

And the idea that carouse many youthful actions

This is the biggest investment of today

Which has the greatest yield

It multiplies 30, 60, some 90 folds

We are reaping the harvest of our sowing

We’ve given sweat, blood, and tears to purchase this

We have earned this rightfully

We have put nothing into existence

And I sit saddened

Nothing is what keeps me awake at night

Nothing is what sits on my mind

I am working so hard to change nothing

My heart is heavy

Deeply burdened

With nothing

But praise God for mercy

For this is what covers nothing

“Come you all that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest

See this is why I call Him Aba

Not because I need rest

But because I need His love

For He is love and I need Him in me

I need to love nothing

Suffer long with nothing

Learn not to judge nothing or provoke nothing

Most of all I need to believe in nothing

Hope in nothing

And endure for nothing

Because this is what I’ve been called to do

Humble myself to nothing

And from here start to build something

Because with God

All things are possible

Even adding something to nothing

To gain a difference

My Best is Effortless

Many months ago I heard a song say, "He saw the best in me". I didn't think too much on it unlit my dear brother forced me to. Then I smiled a sympathetic smile as I realized the deception which lies beneath. We as people, even Christians, want to paint a picture that we are ok. Many Christians talk with an underlying tone that we were good before just not good enough. When in fact the Bible, which is what we as Christians hold as truth, Jesus states that, "there's is no good man. No not one". But I understand it is hard to believe that everyone is bad because in a carnal sense it is false. But Satan is the ruler of this world, so here we fall into the rule outlined in the humorous movie, Vampire in Brooklyn, "EVIL IS GOOD". When bluntly said this rule makes no sense, but remember Satan is the father of all lies, and a master of deceit.. The Bible goes on to tell us that the heart is desperately wicked.We have to remember that this is in correlation with Christ. So to bring it full circle, it is ludicrous to compose a song which sings so joyously, "He saw the best in me" without further explanation. I am not writing this to tear down my fellow co-servants, simply to remind us that the best in us is not the community service we do, the uplifting words we share, or the money we donate, but the predestination of Christ. He saw the best in me, which was His own mercy on my soul, that I would not perish. Mercy is a gift, salvation is a gift and faith to believe in them both is indeed a gift, all from the Heavenly Father. The best in me is in fact not me at all. WOW!!!!!

New Year Resolved

I'm nervous. Not quite sure why but today I have been a little uneased; getting caught up in the hype of a new year, which doesn't mean too much of anything. Many begin each year the same, stacking high hopes on what they will accomplish, discard and change in the year that has approached faster than anyone could have imagined. But I know that January first is simply another day, and blessed are those who live to see it just like the second, third, and fourth. Tomorrow we will celebrate for it is tradition, not that anything has been accomplished. Yes we will be thankful that God has found us worthy of another day of breath, but that is aside from ourselves. I believe this feeling that is within me is greater than the thoughts that reside in my mind. God is moving and I need to keep my life line connected to Him so that I will know in which direction to move so that I will stay in alignment with His will. He has revealed so much to me within this year and blessed me above anything I "deserved" and for that I am grateful. I know that the woman am I being called to be has been in the making for a long time, but the mold of her has just begun to form. I believe this is why I am anxious. Prayers are being answered and I am being held accountable. To who much is given, much is required. I just pray I can deliver. Not in the new year, but for the rest of my life. I remember that a day to the Lord is like a thousand to us and a thousand to Him is like a day to us. A new year to me is simply be a tick in time for the Lord Jesus so I release all expectation for 2012 and just submit to God's will and pray for the courage to deliver...

Hard Truth

I'm a coward. Living behind bogus excuses. The world was placed in my hands, and I gave it back thinking it was heavier than I imagined. We pray for everything we want but leave out minor details. If it's been omitted from the checklist then it's implied it's not important. And it's not; but this statement is only true when we don't set our sights on worldly things. Worldly, cranial, flesh. It's here only to carry the sinful deeds. I thought I killed that thing, and yet it's all I see. Caught up on what I think  instead of what I feel. But love is to touch the heart, and now I'm on a head trip. Mistakes are made when learning. What have I learned from this? I'm weaker than I thought. Too weak to carry the world I so badly wanted.

Hold On

Catching my attention
Caught me off guard
But held it like a baby
Gently caressing my curiosity
And nourishing my need to know
My spirit can't help but giggle
Smiles cover my face like kisses
And feel good shoots through me like chills
The unexpected has captured me
And I dance behind its bars
Musician, magician
Is this some kind of trick
Illusion of my imagination
Because this is almost unbelievable
But I'm a little captivated
Not knowing how this happened
Or what exactly it is
A self- proclaimed intellect
My mind can't rest with the thought
Running to different possible outcomes
Until I force it to stop
Or at lest pause long enough to enjoy the moment
Because the grip on my attention is firm
Squeezing contentment from it like peaches
Sweet and savoring
And I must admit
I can't help but indulge a little
Praying I don't become guilty of gluttony
And at the same time let the worry of it cause self- deprivation
Because if I'm honest
I don't know what the hell I'm doing
But they say ignorance is bliss
So until it's made plain
I'll continue to dance behind the bars that hold me
In the wonderful world of here and now.

Humble Thy Self

Humility is HARD
It's like moving a brick wall with your mind
I mean you mind as well ask penguins to fly
Because pride is not flexible
So bending down to submission is almost impossible
It's almost like that psycho killer that won't die
So killing it daily...
MAN
It's looking like David and Goliath
And only with God can this giant come down
So I must continuously ask for a renewed mind in the Spirit
And remember that God blesses the humble
Keeping His Word at the forefront of everything
Because it's the only weapon I have to fight this principality
Serve your earthly master with sincerity as unto the Lord
OOOOO JESUS HELP ME!!!!
But if David can spare Saul's life for Your Name sake
Then surely I can spare my two cents
That ain't worth nothing but a write up anyways
Because the other day I was reading Proverbs
And it was chopping me up like a song mixed down in Texas
Because pride is a prominent characteristic of a fool
So the most I can do is repent
And ask for help
Because I'd rather sooner than later master the humble bow
So I can gracefully exit stage left