Second Read

You're deep like a Maya Angelou poem
Off first glance
I was confused by the gibberish That's irrelevant to me
But something grabbed my attention
So I read it a second time
Deciphering through metaphors
Analyzing the reasoning behind each line
Then the switch comes on
Of course this piece isn't stupid
My thoughts were just too shallow
To swim against the currents of passion
And I sit disappointed
Who am I to question a poem
Was I there when the encounter that inspired occurred
Was the process explained to me
No
I'm just naive tot he fact that great has various compositions
So I humbly admit my amateur thoughts
And hope you give me another piece to read

Fearful to Faithful

I’m scared. Like, truly scared. There’s passion boiling inside of me, and it spews out of my very being, but so what. I am not in the place to chase dreams and survive off of hope. Hell, I have bills to pay. Dreams won’t fill my child’s stomach, or keep us in a home. I love to love, but even love won’t keep the car running. How will I pursue my goals and take on the financial burden of them when I can barely succeed now? Don’t get me wrong, I am truly blessed, but when options are tight and money is funny, fear acts like a shadow. It’s not always present and when it is you don’t really notice it. But when you take that time to examine your surroundings, there it is; on the side of you, behind you, moving in sync with the rest of you. Hey I’m just being honest. Though I can boldly state this, I am shamed. Not for the fact that you will judge me (hell, you’re going to that anyways), but for the fact that I am operating in direct disobedience to my Father. He warned me about that whole fear factor several times, but there is one that sticks to my mind. “I did not give you a spirit of fear, but of love, peace, and a sound mind.” I sit and ponder on His Word. If he did not give it to me, then who did? He told me that every gift He gives is good. So with that, I know that I need to discard fear. Man that is hard. There Peter Pan was trying to catch his shadow, and here I am trying to get rid of mine. I see the difference between reality and Never Never Land. “Love, peace, and a sound mind.” I am glad Christ reminds me that this was what he bestowed upon me because I will need each and every one of these to make it. I cannot stay in the position I’m in, barely making it and looking at my desires as if a small child looking in the pet shop. I have to go get what is mine. I know that the first step I must take is not a step at all. It is time to kneel down and let God lead me. We can all relate to those footprints in the sand, and if I have to do it again, I don’t mind Him carrying me. But this time, I will know from the beginning that it was Jesus who carried me through. The disciplines asked God to increase their faith and I too need the same. I have to be able to walk out on faith like that water Peter step on to get to Jesus. But before I can do that I have to detach myself from fear, unless I sink.

Thank You To Men

As a strong, single mother, taking on all the responsibilities of a household, I want to send a thank you to all the men who listen to that God given intuition to be a good father. The world has some and I personally can recognize a few. Not only do I acknowledge you, I applaud you and give you the upmost respect. As I continue to grow, the world is like a whirlwind and I can’t seem to grip logic involving many things. Like why do I feel it necessary to applaud a man for doing what was destined for him? If he has produced a child, he is meant to be a father. Sadly to say this fact means very little to a very large group of the male species. But to the men who work hard to support their families, instill knowledge and discipline in their children, and lend a helping hand to better society, thank you. To the men that have to jump through hoops and cross hell’s fires just to have a relationship with their children because the other have of their offspring is ignorant, I apologize. Life is hard enough without someone beating you over the back with bullshit, so my hat goes off to you for enduring the pain.  To the men who have rescued their children from the detrimental torment of unfit mothers, I love you. Not everyone is meant to be a parent and for you acknowledging that in your child’s mother and stepping up where she fell off is honored with my highest respect. To the men who adopt the role of being a father, you hold a soft spot in my heart and a tear of joy in my eye. You are of noble character to take on the responsibility of a male not willing to be a man. To love and care for the next man’s abandoned pride is like a fairy tale. Knight in shinning armor you are and I bow in respect to you. And to those men who have more issues than Readers’ Digest  and run from the blessed responsibility of fatherhood, I even thank you. No need in creating spinoffs of your issues out of the children. Not ever male is strong enough to be a man, and I respect the truth of that. I would rather you leave like a coward and force the mothers to step into the strength she never knew she had, than to leave the whole house in ruins. So in the end, I thank God because He is the one who knows what is best for each situation.  And though the picture of good men and fathers is microscopic, I thank God for all of you.

Come Correct or Go Away

As I get older and more mature in my spirit and mind, I sit confused. While writing down the things I am to work on to better myself as a person, I also wrote down the things that must accompany a man in order to be a potential prospect in courtship. Holding the top three positions are 1. A job 2. A car 3. A place of his own. Even typing this right now I am perplexed. Why is it necessary for me to right this down? I’ll tell you why; because men don’t seem to understand that these things are essential for me to even consider you a man, let alone a man worth me investing in. I am 25 years old, holding down two jobs, paying my own car note, living on my own, and taking damn good care of my child on my own. Why on earth would I ever get involved with someone who can’t even offer me the equivalent of myself when he is supposed to be my better half? The saying goes, “I can do bad all by myself” and I add “but I won’t”. Now, I won’t blame these fellas that don’t have anything totally for my confusion because yes, only a short while ago did I give them room to play. I would never sit here a lie and say that I’ve never got involved with a guy that fits this description that falls short of a man, but I am a grown woman now and I’ve put childish things away.  So I take this time to say if you don’t have anything on your own, I don’t have anything to offer you. Do they really think that good looks and a charming personality are suffice? They do; well boys do anyways and I graduated from high school years ago. Am I supposed to be preparing to be a good wife, or a mother to the world? Dealing with boys hoping to blend in with men are the reason I am where I am in life. I’m not mad at the lesson learn, but believe that I do not need to repeat the course. The only boy I’m allowing in my life is the one who emerged from my womb. Being an adult is hard, but aging by the day and never becoming one makes an even harder life. Simply put, I refuse to take on that burden that belongs to someone else.