Turning Point

Life is hard. A righteous life is even harder. I am battling everyday with this murderous thing called flesh. The Bible says we have to die daily, but I’ve tried to compromise this fact in hopes that I can let it stay alive occasionally, as if I can override God’s word. How silly we can be. He blatantly told us that He would rather us be either hot or cold because He spits out the lukewarm. That alone is deep to me. But why Lord? Why can’t I still get into heaven with living half way right? Why can’t I do what pleases me sometimes? Dang. This holy thing is hard! Truth be told, it is. Scriptures that tell us to pick up our cross and bare it immediately comes to mind. Off first glance, that doesn’t seem too bad. Yeah it’ll be heavy and everything, but we can do it. So easily we forget that we are walking with Christ and as we walk we will be beaten, spit on, persecuted, lied on and betrayed. He who loves me shall keep my commands. And I must pause there and praise God I haven’t been sent to hell. I can’t speak for everyone, but I, myself, know what he requires of his children. No I may not know them all but I know enough to know that according to His word, I do not love Him. To love Him is to hate the world, and yet I can admit that I still find myself being entertained in the devil’s kingdom. The truth hurts and my heart is cramped with pain. And for this pain I am grateful. Conviction is good; for we know what we are doing is wrong and feel it necessary to stop. Ignored conviction is deadly. People try to justify sin every day. Well God knows my heart. And that should be enough for us to repent and ask for a new one, for God told us that the heart is evil and desperately wicked. Well, God is forgiving and as long as I repent I’ll be alright. Are you serious? Yes God is a forgiving God, but people misunderstand repentance. To repent is not to saying I’m sorry and keep on sinning. Rather to ask for forgiveness and to turn from our evil ways. If I were to punch you in the face and then say sorry, then proceed to hit you again am I sorry? Obviously I am not. I say it in hopes that you don’t retaliate against me. This is what I do to God every Time I stumble in my house after a night out or wash his residue from my body or brush the smell of tobacco from my mouth. I don’t want to keep hurting God and lying with the word “sorry”. I know that if this continues I will feel His wrath and will pay with my life.  So my flesh must be killed by the spirit and my spirit must live in Christ. I must walk on this narrow path, carrying this heavy cross, living by the bloody gospel. To the heathen this would sound like a curse, but the righteous rejoices. How blessed am I?