There are many fatherless people in the world, and a lot of men who are less than fathers. Not because they are incapable of conceiving a child, rather they lack the drive, determination, courage, and emotional capacity to lead the ones they do bring into the world. Now, I know that the entire nation knows this and I'm not one to sit here and state the obvious, but rather share bits and pieces of my own experience.
The one person I care about more than any other human being is yet a victim of this exact circumstance. He doesn't know what a father is; the meaning, the feeling. He is a young boy left with a mother that is filled with sympathy, regret, and shame for her careless choice of picking someone not deserving to be filtered into his DNA or engraved in her heart.
As of now my son knows all of nothing about the father's side of the family. Never seen his father, can't recall his uncle, and talks to his granddad whenever I call him. Now I know most everyone says don't take it personal, it's not my fault that they don't care. True, true enough. I can't make anyone do anything, hell it's hard enough making myself do things, but I must take the blame. I was the one who chose this life for my son. It was my mistake that got us here. Now I do thank God that we want for nothing (financially) but have all of our needs.... his needs been met? Everyone needs a father, right? I guess in all honesty one is not needed past the moment if conception, for that's the only time many children have had any contact with their fathers. They're not needed to survive, but they are longed for from all those lacking one. As a responsible woman I was supposed to make sure I put myself and my child in the best position to make sure this desire was fulfilled, but I was foolish and failed at the task. So I have realized that some of my irritation, almost to resentment, for the other half of my child's family is an indirect feeling towards myself. And yes I have forgiven myself for such wrong doing, but forgiveness doesn't erase the consequences of those actions.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Strong Black Man (Haiku)
Black man in power
Makes them tremble to the core
Let's cause an earthquake
Makes them tremble to the core
Let's cause an earthquake
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Just a thought
Man's hardest struggle is also that of a woman.
And sin is executed by the flesh.
And the greatest desired sin is flesh on flesh.
How ironic.
And sin is executed by the flesh.
And the greatest desired sin is flesh on flesh.
How ironic.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Be Careful What You Pray For
I can admit that I am a prideful person. Humility is something that has been in my prayers often for the past few weeks. I earnestly have been praying for a humble, meek spirit; not wanting to be the short tempered, never wrong, hard to let it go Sharree. I want to be like the woman God calls His daughters to be. This week I was shown how far from the goal I truly am.
While at work I became upset with the directions of those holding authoritative positions over me. Of course I felt like I was being singled out and my actions of wrong doing were being blown out of proportion. If I can be blunt, I had a whole episode over taking an extended break without the knowledge of those controlling the floor. It was said that I took a break twice as long as that allotted to me, when in reality I did take one five minutes over, which is why I was wrong. For this I was removed from the preferred location I was in and placed in the least desirable. To add insult to injury, when I had a fellow associate tell them that I actually took a later break then expected I was told that they didn't care and I should have went when I was told. The reason for me not doing so was actually to help customers and allow my relief to go to the restroom. So immediately I was irritated for doing what I believed was the right thing.
As the day went on so did the attitude of me and the associates over me. I helped my customers as I always do, assisting them with their needs, directing them to the right isle, and asking did they need assistance. Though my irritation was obvious, I didn't let it keep me from my responsibilities. While standing in the spot I dread the most I had an awakening happen in my spirit. The Holy Spirit reminded me that I was working on being humble. This told me that I should let go of my attitude and have a "sir sir, yes ma'am" attitude. You know what I told the Holy Spirit? "I'll be humble tomorrow". Yes I did! I got at God just like that! Less than twenty minutes later I was called into the office to discuss my attitude. To be frank, my manager checked me. He reminded me that the store had no obligations to keep me and that my "behavior" was unacceptable. Now, I had many problems with the speech he gave me, one being most of the things he said were incorrect but I simply told him the situation and let the rest go. When the meeting was over, I still had respect for him and realized that I did need to be checked. Later I thanked him for it.
Later that day God spoke to me again. He reminded me that it was I who decided to dismiss Him. He told me that I was to be humble, I told Him "tomorrow". He came back to me and told me that I had been mistaken. He is a prayer answering God and I have been praying for humility and yet when put in a situation to practice it I refused. Since I refused to do it on my own, He had it done for me, through my manager. If I would have been obedient it would have been water under the bridge, but since I wasn't now I have to worry about my work situation for the summer. Obedience in greater than sacrifice, and for my lack of it, I was led to repent.
While at work I became upset with the directions of those holding authoritative positions over me. Of course I felt like I was being singled out and my actions of wrong doing were being blown out of proportion. If I can be blunt, I had a whole episode over taking an extended break without the knowledge of those controlling the floor. It was said that I took a break twice as long as that allotted to me, when in reality I did take one five minutes over, which is why I was wrong. For this I was removed from the preferred location I was in and placed in the least desirable. To add insult to injury, when I had a fellow associate tell them that I actually took a later break then expected I was told that they didn't care and I should have went when I was told. The reason for me not doing so was actually to help customers and allow my relief to go to the restroom. So immediately I was irritated for doing what I believed was the right thing.
As the day went on so did the attitude of me and the associates over me. I helped my customers as I always do, assisting them with their needs, directing them to the right isle, and asking did they need assistance. Though my irritation was obvious, I didn't let it keep me from my responsibilities. While standing in the spot I dread the most I had an awakening happen in my spirit. The Holy Spirit reminded me that I was working on being humble. This told me that I should let go of my attitude and have a "sir sir, yes ma'am" attitude. You know what I told the Holy Spirit? "I'll be humble tomorrow". Yes I did! I got at God just like that! Less than twenty minutes later I was called into the office to discuss my attitude. To be frank, my manager checked me. He reminded me that the store had no obligations to keep me and that my "behavior" was unacceptable. Now, I had many problems with the speech he gave me, one being most of the things he said were incorrect but I simply told him the situation and let the rest go. When the meeting was over, I still had respect for him and realized that I did need to be checked. Later I thanked him for it.
Later that day God spoke to me again. He reminded me that it was I who decided to dismiss Him. He told me that I was to be humble, I told Him "tomorrow". He came back to me and told me that I had been mistaken. He is a prayer answering God and I have been praying for humility and yet when put in a situation to practice it I refused. Since I refused to do it on my own, He had it done for me, through my manager. If I would have been obedient it would have been water under the bridge, but since I wasn't now I have to worry about my work situation for the summer. Obedience in greater than sacrifice, and for my lack of it, I was led to repent.
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