Dear mama (message from the unborn)

Fearfully and wonderfully made
Wonder why they feared me so much
That they aborted the thought as soon as it was conceived
But truth be told
I was not a thought
But a gift from God that they didn't receive well
God doesn't make mistakes so I am confused on why they labeled me such
The mistake was that they thought they were Him
And that they actually created me
But she was simply the means chosen for me to arrive
Or not
And now my blood is on her hands and stains her heart as a reminder
It was not a surgical procedure performed but a murder committed
And to God you will have to answer
What hurts more than the tearing of my limbs from my body and being sucked out of my dwelling place by evil means
 is the fact that it was my mother's choice
They say there's no love like a mothers love
Well I will have to concur
Because the lack of it caused my destruction and I have no get back
I heard them tell her it is her right to choose
Just too bad she didn't choose right
Instead  she left me like an abandoned dream
But only worse
See if I was abandoned someone could have found me
instead I was aborted
and my remains became the responsibility of the garbage man
Yes I was conceived out of rape
 but how does murdering me make you a victim
Ok you didn't have any money to raise me
but killing me only out a hole in your heart and money n the next man's pocket
Sure my father left you pregnant and broken
But taking my left only changed one of those facts
Mama you were supposed to keep me safe from harm
Instead you handed me over like a forfeit
But what you failed to realize is that I am of you and attached to you
And The premature evacuation of your womb took a part of you too
When I died so did you
Good thing I met the Redeemer who restored my life eternally
He called me His child which made me cry tears of joy
Because that was the first time I was ever called this
Mistake, accident, mishap and problem were the only names I knew
Guess I did have get back after all
And I smile to know that He is willing to do the same for you
My Father promised He would never leave me or forsake me
And I'm sure He's willing to teach you
 so my brother or sister will have a chance in the world
And if not He will welcome them I His family with open arms too
But I pray that you encounter the Creator's son
His name s Jesus and He actually understands my plight
Because His Father allowed Him to die too
The only difference is
 His death offered eternal life to the unjust who Chose to call upon Him
But I won't say my death was in vain either
It gave me the opportunity to meet the Savior
So I could tell you about Him
And beg you to accept Him in your life
My rejection was enough
Because you are my mother
My heart longs to meet you still
But this time we will have no end

All Woman

I have recently given up on strapping another four to six inches around my ankles. I must admit, it is quite a silly sight seeing a lady swaying six feet plus in the air. I'm supposed to be at least 6'4 with the hills on but I only manage 6'2 since extending my leg completely seems impossible. Time and time again I tried, wasting money and beating down my esteem. WHY? Why can't I wear these stupid hills? It's like every other woman in the world can do so. I mean, even the 60 year- old ladies be strutting. COME ON!!!!
Then I realized this is more than an issue with hills. It's actually an issue with being a woman. It seems like everything that constitutes one as a woman I have rejected... The hills, the nails, eyelashes, "long" hair, foundation, pedicures every week... EVERYTHING!!! Dang some men are better women than me!
Then the Comforter reminded me, "Be in the world, not of the world". I am not saying a holy woman can't have or do these things, but they are trivial and cater to the flesh that we should be killing anyway. So I must guard my mind from the foolish thoughts of thinking things can make me what I was by nature meant to be. So the quest is no longer being a woman, but a Godly woman. Instead of worrying about what I put on me I begin to concentrate on what I put in me. Hills are meant to make you higher, when I need to be lowering myself into a state of humility. Foundation is meant to cover up, and I need the Lord to search me and remove what is unclean. Instead of putting on eyelashes, I need to be removing the plank from my eye. While some are concerned about getting their feet done, I need to make sure my are traveling on that straight and narrow road. Lastly, the only nails I need to be focused on are the ones that held my Savior to the cross for my sins.
At the end of the day, I am 100% woman who is trying to be a child of God.

Changing Nothing

My heart is heavy

Deeply burdened

With nothing

This is what I see the children aspiring to be

What mothers send them to school with

And what sits waiting to greet them when they get home

This is what the fathers work so hard to achieve

So they can pass it down to their offspring

This is the focal point of many conversations

And the idea that carouse many youthful actions

This is the biggest investment of today

Which has the greatest yield

It multiplies 30, 60, some 90 folds

We are reaping the harvest of our sowing

We’ve given sweat, blood, and tears to purchase this

We have earned this rightfully

We have put nothing into existence

And I sit saddened

Nothing is what keeps me awake at night

Nothing is what sits on my mind

I am working so hard to change nothing

My heart is heavy

Deeply burdened

With nothing

But praise God for mercy

For this is what covers nothing

“Come you all that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest

See this is why I call Him Aba

Not because I need rest

But because I need His love

For He is love and I need Him in me

I need to love nothing

Suffer long with nothing

Learn not to judge nothing or provoke nothing

Most of all I need to believe in nothing

Hope in nothing

And endure for nothing

Because this is what I’ve been called to do

Humble myself to nothing

And from here start to build something

Because with God

All things are possible

Even adding something to nothing

To gain a difference

My Best is Effortless

Many months ago I heard a song say, "He saw the best in me". I didn't think too much on it unlit my dear brother forced me to. Then I smiled a sympathetic smile as I realized the deception which lies beneath. We as people, even Christians, want to paint a picture that we are ok. Many Christians talk with an underlying tone that we were good before just not good enough. When in fact the Bible, which is what we as Christians hold as truth, Jesus states that, "there's is no good man. No not one". But I understand it is hard to believe that everyone is bad because in a carnal sense it is false. But Satan is the ruler of this world, so here we fall into the rule outlined in the humorous movie, Vampire in Brooklyn, "EVIL IS GOOD". When bluntly said this rule makes no sense, but remember Satan is the father of all lies, and a master of deceit.. The Bible goes on to tell us that the heart is desperately wicked.We have to remember that this is in correlation with Christ. So to bring it full circle, it is ludicrous to compose a song which sings so joyously, "He saw the best in me" without further explanation. I am not writing this to tear down my fellow co-servants, simply to remind us that the best in us is not the community service we do, the uplifting words we share, or the money we donate, but the predestination of Christ. He saw the best in me, which was His own mercy on my soul, that I would not perish. Mercy is a gift, salvation is a gift and faith to believe in them both is indeed a gift, all from the Heavenly Father. The best in me is in fact not me at all. WOW!!!!!

New Year Resolved

I'm nervous. Not quite sure why but today I have been a little uneased; getting caught up in the hype of a new year, which doesn't mean too much of anything. Many begin each year the same, stacking high hopes on what they will accomplish, discard and change in the year that has approached faster than anyone could have imagined. But I know that January first is simply another day, and blessed are those who live to see it just like the second, third, and fourth. Tomorrow we will celebrate for it is tradition, not that anything has been accomplished. Yes we will be thankful that God has found us worthy of another day of breath, but that is aside from ourselves. I believe this feeling that is within me is greater than the thoughts that reside in my mind. God is moving and I need to keep my life line connected to Him so that I will know in which direction to move so that I will stay in alignment with His will. He has revealed so much to me within this year and blessed me above anything I "deserved" and for that I am grateful. I know that the woman am I being called to be has been in the making for a long time, but the mold of her has just begun to form. I believe this is why I am anxious. Prayers are being answered and I am being held accountable. To who much is given, much is required. I just pray I can deliver. Not in the new year, but for the rest of my life. I remember that a day to the Lord is like a thousand to us and a thousand to Him is like a day to us. A new year to me is simply be a tick in time for the Lord Jesus so I release all expectation for 2012 and just submit to God's will and pray for the courage to deliver...

Hard Truth

I'm a coward. Living behind bogus excuses. The world was placed in my hands, and I gave it back thinking it was heavier than I imagined. We pray for everything we want but leave out minor details. If it's been omitted from the checklist then it's implied it's not important. And it's not; but this statement is only true when we don't set our sights on worldly things. Worldly, cranial, flesh. It's here only to carry the sinful deeds. I thought I killed that thing, and yet it's all I see. Caught up on what I think  instead of what I feel. But love is to touch the heart, and now I'm on a head trip. Mistakes are made when learning. What have I learned from this? I'm weaker than I thought. Too weak to carry the world I so badly wanted.

Hold On

Catching my attention
Caught me off guard
But held it like a baby
Gently caressing my curiosity
And nourishing my need to know
My spirit can't help but giggle
Smiles cover my face like kisses
And feel good shoots through me like chills
The unexpected has captured me
And I dance behind its bars
Musician, magician
Is this some kind of trick
Illusion of my imagination
Because this is almost unbelievable
But I'm a little captivated
Not knowing how this happened
Or what exactly it is
A self- proclaimed intellect
My mind can't rest with the thought
Running to different possible outcomes
Until I force it to stop
Or at lest pause long enough to enjoy the moment
Because the grip on my attention is firm
Squeezing contentment from it like peaches
Sweet and savoring
And I must admit
I can't help but indulge a little
Praying I don't become guilty of gluttony
And at the same time let the worry of it cause self- deprivation
Because if I'm honest
I don't know what the hell I'm doing
But they say ignorance is bliss
So until it's made plain
I'll continue to dance behind the bars that hold me
In the wonderful world of here and now.